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| Forest Hills Occurs Many Setbacks But Remains Hopeful |
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By Neal Gough
The pressure to reverse an 0 for a lifetime record is not easy. Especially with the
unathletic drunken retards on the Forest Hills squad. Efforts are being put forth to
recruit a few new faces although they might not out way the losses the team has
suffered.
“We’ve lost four players for sure, well five if you count Derrick’s extra chromosome,
and I do, it was the best player on Ridge Heights softball team” says team captain Neal
Gough.
Forest Hills lost Brandon (the other black guy) to a newly appointed job, Scott Carril
(2005 Olympian of the Year) to an extremely flaming case of Vaginitis (that means hes
a pussy) and Derrick Baier. “Well, who gives a fuck about Derrick” adds Neal, “if he
does catch a ball he’ll probably run to the wrong fucking end zone anyway.”
The team also lost Steve Gaylinski. “Another heart breaker let me tell you” comments
Neal. “Maybe my team will be a little more into the game now that they don’t have to
watch him and Derrick hold hands on the side line. I thought Steve had potential but
its hard to keep a good grip on the bat with a hand full of Derrick’s 47 chromosome
love juice. Those two are fudge packers.”
Other players still are doubtful. Josh Dalechek, the only athletic person stupid enough
to sign up for Forest Hills, injured his ankle last week in a tragic hand firing accident
involving a pair of cowboy boots and a picture of his own mother. Jeremy Couch, of
Tennessee, who suffers from a disease similar to that of Scott Carril (they are both
pussies, “Especially you Scott, Pussy”). “He just needs to get his tampons, high heels
and his purse and get the fuck up here” says Neal, “and bring Amanda, she has really
big boobs” adds team assistant captain Joey Evansco with left over nachos and drool
pouring out of his ever open mouth.
They have also been trying to recruit the man they know as NEUMANIUM, but the joy
of finally being united on the same team as soul mate Derrick Baier may be enough to
counter Forest Hills offers.
Not everything is looking down for Forest Hills, however. The quarterback match up
looks to be nose to nose, literally with Neal Gough and Danny Alvarez it will be a
match up of who can avoid their right nostril on the follow through. On the line Forest
Hills looks to counter act professional body builder Thacker with a one-two punch of
Chad Keller (5'6", 125 lbs) and Marisel Cubilla (5'4", 120 lbs, 36 C) “she has really big
boobs” adds Joseph once again, this time with part of a half chewed fry stuck to his
lip. And oh yeah, his mouth is still open. “At least with Thacker on the field I’ll have
someone to borrow a tampon from if my period starts early.” Marisel says of her
opponent.
The air assault will be lead by star wide receiver Matthew Mundingo (6'4", 170 lbs)
who added “even if you win the 100-yard dash at the Special Olympics you’re still
retarded, especially that fuck Derrick and his boyfriend Steve”, and sticky fingers
Joseph Evansco (5'10" 170 lbs, 34 B), yes his mouth will still be open. The offensive
line will be anchored by Jessie Counsell and his 7 penis piercings and Chad “Diesel”
Keller.
Team Captain Neal Gough had this to say in closing, “we may not be the most athletic,
and we definitely are not the most talented. But it is not the size of the dog in the fight
it is the size of fight in the dog, and also Derrick is a flaming homosexual who enjoys
receiving Steve Gaylinski’s other bald head in his rectum while getting the reach-
around and watching re-runs of Full House and pretending it is Bob Saget pounding
his colon, Sorry Steve.”
The pressure to reverse an 0 for a lifetime record is not easy. Especially with the
unathletic drunken retards on the Forest Hills squad. Efforts are being put forth to
recruit a few new faces although they might not out way the losses the team has
suffered.
“We’ve lost four players for sure, well five if you count Derrick’s extra chromosome,
and I do, it was the best player on Ridge Heights softball team” says team captain Neal
Gough.
Forest Hills lost Brandon (the other black guy) to a newly appointed job, Scott Carril
(2005 Olympian of the Year) to an extremely flaming case of Vaginitis (that means hes
a pussy) and Derrick Baier. “Well, who gives a fuck about Derrick” adds Neal, “if he
does catch a ball he’ll probably run to the wrong fucking end zone anyway.”
The team also lost Steve Gaylinski. “Another heart breaker let me tell you” comments
Neal. “Maybe my team will be a little more into the game now that they don’t have to
watch him and Derrick hold hands on the side line. I thought Steve had potential but
its hard to keep a good grip on the bat with a hand full of Derrick’s 47 chromosome
love juice. Those two are fudge packers.”
Other players still are doubtful. Josh Dalechek, the only athletic person stupid enough
to sign up for Forest Hills, injured his ankle last week in a tragic hand firing accident
involving a pair of cowboy boots and a picture of his own mother. Jeremy Couch, of
Tennessee, who suffers from a disease similar to that of Scott Carril (they are both
pussies, “Especially you Scott, Pussy”). “He just needs to get his tampons, high heels
and his purse and get the fuck up here” says Neal, “and bring Amanda, she has really
big boobs” adds team assistant captain Joey Evansco with left over nachos and drool
pouring out of his ever open mouth.
They have also been trying to recruit the man they know as NEUMANIUM, but the joy
of finally being united on the same team as soul mate Derrick Baier may be enough to
counter Forest Hills offers.
Not everything is looking down for Forest Hills, however. The quarterback match up
looks to be nose to nose, literally with Neal Gough and Danny Alvarez it will be a
match up of who can avoid their right nostril on the follow through. On the line Forest
Hills looks to counter act professional body builder Thacker with a one-two punch of
Chad Keller (5'6", 125 lbs) and Marisel Cubilla (5'4", 120 lbs, 36 C) “she has really big
boobs” adds Joseph once again, this time with part of a half chewed fry stuck to his
lip. And oh yeah, his mouth is still open. “At least with Thacker on the field I’ll have
someone to borrow a tampon from if my period starts early.” Marisel says of her
opponent.
The air assault will be lead by star wide receiver Matthew Mundingo (6'4", 170 lbs)
who added “even if you win the 100-yard dash at the Special Olympics you’re still
retarded, especially that fuck Derrick and his boyfriend Steve”, and sticky fingers
Joseph Evansco (5'10" 170 lbs, 34 B), yes his mouth will still be open. The offensive
line will be anchored by Jessie Counsell and his 7 penis piercings and Chad “Diesel”
Keller.
Team Captain Neal Gough had this to say in closing, “we may not be the most athletic,
and we definitely are not the most talented. But it is not the size of the dog in the fight
it is the size of fight in the dog, and also Derrick is a flaming homosexual who enjoys
receiving Steve Gaylinski’s other bald head in his rectum while getting the reach-
around and watching re-runs of Full House and pretending it is Bob Saget pounding
his colon, Sorry Steve.”
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